The Chronicles of Kashyap

A Poem

Wed, 19 Oct 2005 08:21:47 GMT

Anyway, I am now in a band and we jam during the weekends. We even have a blog now. It's at http://oraclejams.blogspot.com

Here's one for the road ...
(Released under the terms of this licence at http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.5/)

==================
An end to remember
==================
Death by sleight of the hand
death coming as a marching band
seething foaming at the mouth
marching on, marching south

as civilizations crumble
their march ended in a stumble
filled with destruction and loss
they fall to the call of chaos

one by one they all fell
we now stand at the gates of hell
death comes to hold our hand
death and it's merry marching band

break not your stride my men
let us march into the lion's den
break not your stride and fall
though all the heavens may call

heaven knows our time will come
and ash and dust we will become
but until then we will march on
to meet our doom, till we are gone

our world too will fall at last
to the lightnings the heavens cast
but until then we must hold
the last of the strong and the bold

our woes will come and we will fall
and raging fires will consume us all
but stand and burn we will and must
burn until we are all ash and dust

blood and fire will wash us all
as we go to the mother's call
to return whence we came
and none remember what became

of those who dared to stand and face
the horrors that befell our race
though none may know your name
nor mine, our race will share our fame

our work man one day will find
the ruins which we have left behind
and wonder who we had been
what these strange words could mean

but that day will not be today
so tarry not, lets be on our way
to face the coming tide of death
as long as there is one more breath

the end is coming, know it all
be it today or not we will fall
we will make an end to remember
from now on to the end of forever

and all will know of the time we fell
those from a time when all was well
facing the certainity of their doom
who stood to try defy their nation's tomb

Guha S Kashyap

Make my life

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 12:44:04 GMT

I really realized that I've been listening to a lot of music lately. Today, while I was driving to work, my phone rang. I hit the pause button and the track ("The Bravery - An Honest Mistake") stopped playing. And I heard an odd sound I haven't really heard in a long while - the sound of traffic. Talking on the phone was quick, but the memory lingers. The shock of not having a track playing in the background, pushing me higher, pumping up the adrenaline in my veins until I feel that I am corroding from within, my veins getting worn away, is simply stunning.

Then I realized that my new iPod Shuffle had - quite literally - almost become an attachment, a part of my body. I work listening to music, I drive listening to music, I go to sleep with the earphones firmly embedded in my cranial-aural cavities. I wake up without them on. I guess my uncle must take them off when he wakes up and sees them on. Anyway, once I am all fresh and ready, and have taken my bath, they come on again.

If you are wondering if I am gloating about my new iPod, think again. I'm talking about Music here. the Vitamin M that keeps a lot of us going. I can literally reel off the names of many people around me who live for and only-because-they-listen-to good music. Ask me. I meet them everywhere. The dude in the Ad agency who is old enough to be my uncle's youngest brother, but who just signed up to be the lead guitarist in my upcoming band. The dude who plays the drums for his church, who taught himself to play them, without ever attending a single class anywhere. His brother, who learned to play the keyboard the same way. The dude who works at the local Planet M, who can reel off facts and stats about any Rock band/troupe .. the genre, the style, the way it sounds, the quality of the album. He works there part time, and only (or so it seems to me) so he can stay close to the Music.

Music makes my life. There is nothing I can do without it. I cannot be without the waves of wild riffs that crash against the cliffs of the pounding beat, without the spiraling electric wails that pull the heavens down, without the wild strumming that pull the chords of my consciousness, the mind-bending keening guitar/keyboard combination that threatens to suck the soul way into the higher planes of elevated consciousness, the subtle bass rumbling in the background as the vocalist vents his emotion in a lilting fountain of words in a haunting melody that takes the mind's window off to a far-off world, to a far off place where the words paint the picture of a solitary man on a podium, the iron-grey clouds hiding a blood-red sky raining ashes and fire, as the ground roars and throbs to the beat of an unseen drum, the earth splits and the world shakes to the rhythm of the most haunting melodies...

Kash

PS: If you are interested in joining a rock ensemble and are in hyderabad, the you are in luck. It doesn't matter what you play, that you never learned, that you never did it before, that you can't play GnR well enough or whatever. If you want to play your own thing, your own song, your own dream, then you are reading the right blog. Get me at guha dot kashyap at gmail dot com or call me on 91-9440103175. Now!

To quote Zack De La Rocha (The former frontman of Rage Against The Machine),
"It has to start sometime,
It has to start somewhere.
What better time than now,
What better place than here!"

Hmm ...

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 11:53:28 GMT

Hey guys...

Well, to update all you guys (and gals) what's on in my life, I've been doing a bit of stuff the last couple of weeks.... like trying to start up a rock band!!

I've got a drummer and (heh) yours truly as vocalist and I've been trying pretty hard to get hold of a couple of guitarists (Need 'em pretty badly. ) And I've been running accross town, and the ones I come accross .. well, let's just say I don't want to talk about my experiences!

Either I'm being pushed in some direction by life, or my karma must be really bad! (Or Good. Depends. I guess.) The other day I was in this pub with my buddy (I wasn't boozing. He was. I swear! No, mommy, I'm a good boy!) and I run into the DJ's mate. Guess what? He turns out to be a guitarist aaand ... he has this cousin who does the keyboard for his church. Woohoo!

Hey, wait. This is starting to sound positive. We need to remedy this. Well, fact is, I took his number down, and I cant seem to find it now. Waah! (Karma, there you go. Happy now?)

Kash

Oh crap ...

Fri, 01 Apr 2005 03:31:04 GMT

Yesterday I went to interview this guy at ICICI and came back sans my cool shades and my cell phone. It happened like this ... go up and meet the guy, interview him (5th floor) and come back down via the stairs. At the top i glance at my helmet (where i put my shades in their cover and put) and see my shades. At the ground level, I glance again ... and freeze ... No shades! ... Oh crap! so i alert the security and go up again to look. this time i take the stairs ...and talk to the guy and look around ...then i use my hand-kercheif to mop my sweat off ... and oops!! ... no cellphone in my pockets!!! ...NOOooooooo!!! I spend the next one hour going up and down, and alert the admin people and the security guys...the best they can say is that maybe it will show up soon ...maybe!

<moan> OOOooohhhh!! Maaaan!!! I loved those shades!!! And my cell phone!!! </moan>

<mandatory cut scene>

I am outside the Robber Baron Bank, looking up at it's majestic gruesome-ness

Me: "OOh! Looky! The RBB Building!!! .. Let's go upstairs!"
Dude-oid: "Okay..but you asked for it... Don't blame me later!!! ... Body Armor, where are you? " (puts Body Armor on)
.... We go upstairs .....
Me: "Looky! People! Ooooo!"
Dude-oid (in an aside): "Yeah, like we'd find anything else in this here city!"

... We look around and time passes ... (show clock in fast-forward) ....

Me: "It's getting late ...let's head home!"
Dude-oid: "About Time you came to your senses ... before you go , check what youve got .... as for me , my Body Armo.... aaagh!!! "
(looks down at his naked body)
Dude-oid: "My undies! They didn't ven leave me my undies! What am I gonna do?"
Me: "Bwahahahahaha!!!! The lifts are crowded ..let's take the stairs!!"
Dude-oid: "Ono! Ono! Noooo!!!" (I drag him down the stairs)

.... We emerge at the ground level .....

Dude-oid: " Well, at least we are in one piece! Let's call Morpheus and get out of here!"

... Reaches into my pockets....

Dude-oid: "Uwaaa! The cell phone! It's goooone! How do we leve the May-trix now? Mooorpheeeeuuusss!!! Heeelppp!!!!"
Me: "Must be the Agents at work ... if I gotta go out ... I'm going out in style ....Yeehaw!!!"

SILENCE

Me: " Man it's dark in here ... some crank turned off the lights while we were climbing down the stairs ....HEY!!! People!! Somebody turn on the lights!!"
Dude-oid: "Thay's funny, i can see fine .... GASP!!! Man somebody's gotten you! You've lost your eyes!!!!!
Me: "My eyes ...?" (Touch my face)
Me: "Hey ... My shades!!!!!! My shades! Somebody's gotten my shades!!!! I'd borrowed them from Neo!!! What's he gonna say!!!! "

... Fade to BLACK ....

<End cut scene>

Hmmm

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 09:26:41 GMT

Well, well, well... what do we have here? Let's see ... an ill-maintained blog, with some funny pop-quizzes on the front? Tsk-tsk! That won't do! Not at all!!

Heh heh ... if you guys were wondering if i'd finally gone nuts (not that the doubt would be unfair!) ... you're WRONG! Lol! That was what I thought the reaction of a seasoned blogger would be, if he'd (she'd , if you like it that way) look at my blog. :)

Well, anyway, here's another post (yawn) .... Tomorrow is a big day for me... I go join my next company... It's called Dr Reddy's Foundation, and it is a non-profit whose sole aim is to eradiate poverty and empower today's underprvileged youth by giving them some opportunities, namely by training them and getting them hired in various fields... (pun not intended).

What am I doing in a setup like this? I dunno! No, really! All I do know is that even _thinking_ of working in a so-called IT company today causes my stomach to tie itself into knots... I just _hate_ the way these guys operate. I guess I'm just another burnout victim, but hey, this is _my_ life. I go where I want to and if I dont like IT ... well, what do I care what people say? Anyway, just so you people don't start getting weird ideas, well, my work _is_ IT related ..in a way (Hey, what do you think I was? A complete baboon?). I am part of a project to set up an e-learning platform that can reach accross to where these guys can't set up their offices.

So .. this is for all those people in Indian IT ..slaves and slave-drivers alike ..... "Ha!"

(Well? What are you guys staring at? That was it !... that's all ...now move along folks! Nothing to see here! ;) )

Kashyap

What element am I ?

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 14:46:54 GMT

Hmmm ....
I got this on _ithilenranger's journal... looks nice, right? Try it out!! (Thanks Sammy!)

Your Element is Air: You are an artistic person
with a unique sense of style. Your attitude
changes along with colors, style and outlook on
life. You are intelligent and curious person;
although prone to wander in thought. You are
constantly active, care-free, kind and you most
likely enjoy singing. You are the person in
your group who keeps everyone happy and free
from worry. You have what everyone is searching
for, that proverbial fountain of youth deep
inside. You can come across as childish, but
you're really just having fun. Constantly
moving, the air is a force of nature. One
moment you can be a breeze, the next a tornado
but, you are usually calm, and in desperate
situations, you can be the sanest person there.

What's your Element?
brought to you by Quizilla

Without me ...

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 07:20:49 GMT

Hey! People! I'm baaack!!! (again) Well, this time , i'm for REAL!!! Anyway, I am now _still_ in the same job, in the same company (man this job SUCKS!!!) doing the same thing again (grind, grind!) ... and again and again .... ad nauseam.

As for the May-trix episodes, I promise you'll be seeing a few more of those soon (oh, yeah.. heh heh!)

Till then, consider this a place holder .... okay people, duty calls! Till my next post, people,

Have a happy new year ... and if you see any Jerks who you feel should belong in the May-trix, Gun'em down!!!!
(And mail me and tell me all about them!)

Mwahahahahaa!! See ya!!!

Kashyap

Thu, 04 Nov 2004 08:34:37 GMT

Hey all,
It's great to be back after such a long time. I was really held up not only because the project I am a part of at my office was about to end , but also because I was too lazy to get back online until I felt I'd gotten enough rest after the ordeal. :)

So.. here's the new stuff that happened in my life ....
1. I got a couple of new job offers from guys who think im just another fresher coder who'll work for the dregs that they care to toss at me ... (No!. you dopes, I'm an MBA grad from one of the top 15 B-Schools in the country!!!)

2. I'm really getting along with my karate classes!!! I belong to the Shoto-kan school of the Okinawan Goju-Ryu style, in case you want to know. :)

3. I was down with some kind of a viral fever for over a week ... because of the really unpredictabe weather here. (I got soaked in the rain a couple of times.)

4. My project manager and project lead are about to foist yet another project upon my weary shoulders .... aagh!!!!

<Mandatory Cut Scene>

I am shackled to my computer table, cringing in my seat and trying to wheel it backwards as the PM and PL-oid loom over me ...

Me: "But ... but ...I just finished up my part of the last one last week!!!"
PL-oid: " ...And you just finished your vacation ten minutes ago! Now work!!!"
(Brandishes a whip!!)
PM: "What do you have to say now Missster _____ ? "
Me: "Hah! I refuse! I'll do anything but work now ... I know! Training!"
PL-oid: (puzzled) "Training? What about training?"
(Looks at the PM quizzically).
Me: (feverishly, speaking really fast) "Remamber? Last month? You said I could go to the new VapourMatica Training sessions? I...I want that!!!"
PM: "AHA!!!Gotcha!!! Grab him!!!"
Me: "Huh? ... Haaalp!!!"

... The PL-oid grabs me and plugs my head to the computer's parallel port. Then he inserts a CD into the drive and presses a key. My eyelids start fluttering wildly ...

PM: (To me) "Let that be a lesson to all who try to escape work by asking for training!!!"

(A lady runs to the window and jumps out)
Lady-oid: "EEEEEeeek!!!" (splat)
Pl-oid: "Yes master!!! A lesson!!! Mwahahahaaa!!"
PM : "There will be no escape!!! Bind them in chains Igor!!! As for you ...." (turning to me, Lightning Flashes and Thunder rolls in the background)
PM: " ALL YOU BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!!! Mwahahahahahaaaa!!!!"

.... Fade to Darkness ....
<End Cut Scene>

Birthday Boy!

Thu, 26 Aug 2004 11:25:35 GMT

Hey all,
Yesterday was my birthday. An guess what I got? A GMail invite!!! yay! I am now guha-dot-kashyap-at-gmail-dot-com . Howzzat?
Did anybody say Celebration? Yeah I celebrated ... by working in the office till 9 O'Clock in the night. Some birthday, lol!!! My office-mates did splatter cake all over my face, though. I guess it's too good an opportunity to miss! Anyway the cake tasted fine, and I did forget to use my face-wash the previous evening, so no problem...

< Movie Sequence >

...Inside the May-Trix...

Me: "Happy Birthday to me! , Happy Birthday to me! ...."
Boss-oid: "Ah-ha!! Caught you!"

GRAB!!! Gets hold of my collar....

Me: "Huh? What'd I do?"
Boss-oid: "Don't you know? Birthday celebrations are a national offence!!! That is, any birthday celerations but mine!!!"
Me: "Ha! I'll show you! ... (LOUDLY) HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEE....."
Boss-oid: "Ow! My ears!"

(Lets go of me.)

Me: "Mwahahaha!! Now for my escape!!!"

(I Quickly scoot around to the other side of the table , where a HUGE birthday cake is on top).

Friend-oid: "Hey ****,over here! I'll help you!!!"
Me: "Okay! Phew! Sav..."

ZAP!!! He transforms into an Agent wearing a suit and a cone-y birthday-party cap and all other assorted birthday-party gear.

Agent-oid: "Got him! "
Me: "Mummy!"
Boss-oid: "Now that we got him, what do we do with him?"
Agent-oid: "I know! Let's give him the gruesome-est death in the May-Trix!!!"

...Zoom out to show the Boss-oid holding me from behind while the Agent sticks his hands in the cake ....

Boss-oid: "Bwahahahahahahaaaa!!!"
Agent: "Mwahahahahahaaaa!!! Eat THIS !!!!"
Me: "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo..."

SPLAT! SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT!!!!

...Outside the May-Trix....

Tank, Trinity and Morpheus are staring at a monitor running the Matrix screen saver ....

Tank: "Sniff! They got him, boss!!!" (Wipes a tear away)

Trinity: "He always told me that there was a death out there with his name written on it ... but THIS way?"
(Breaks down and cries)

Morpheus: "And it was Vanilla Icing, too, the bastards!!!"

<End Movie Sequence>

Roadhouse Blues

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 05:42:27 GMT

Man i feel soooooo tired ... saturday went so fast , it met itself coming ;) .... and sunday i went on a looong drive to this beautiful place called Mahabalipuram with a friend.I think I drove for a total of around 150 km on my bike yesterday. We ate out after that. I think I have a stomach upset. :)

<Movie Sequence>

After a looooong bike ride in the May-Trix ...

Me: "Hey Trinity, that was a great ride! Maybe we can do that again sometime, huh?"
WHAP!
Me: "Ouch!!! What was that for?"
Trin: "For the 500 kilometers of detour that you took to find a pizza joint."
Me: "Oh! That! Heh Heh! Did you like..."
WHAP!
Me: "Ow!!! Stop that!"
Trin: "And that was for the crap that you call Pizza! My stomach hurts bad!!!"
Me: "Whups! The pizza was fine ... It must be that extra Jalapeno Pepper Topping I ordered without askin.."
WHAP!
Me: "Ouch! What was THAT for?"
Trin: "That's for ruining the new handbag with which I hit you!"
Me: "Aw Gee .. sorry! Look! I'll make it up ... I know just the place..."
Trin: "And this is for the manicure you're going to ruin!.... Haiiii-Yaaah!!!"
POW!

<End Movie Sequence>

Long nights

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 01:21:54 GMT

Sigh,
it's been along long night. my neck and back are aching ... at least some work got done though!!!
If you're wondering why i'm posting non-funny stuff on this blog at this time, let me tell you that I don't know why either.
Man, I feel like I've been busted over ... twenty five times in a row.

See y'all the day after tomorrow (coz thats the earliest possible time i'm gonna wake up!).

Kash

Freedom

Wed, 18 Aug 2004 04:11:12 GMT

Hey everybody,
Been really busy the last couple of days ... doing exactly this:
1. Prepare a query
2. Run It.
3. Access hangs, drat!
4. Kill Access, restart, modify the query, tables.
5. Hey,it isn't hanging, it says "Wait" ...
6. Wait
7. Wait
8. Wait
9. Wait
10. Wait
.
.
.
2000601. Report to work in the morning....

POP!!!!

2000601? Huh? Hey! Where'd all the rest of the stuff go? Like where I read my favorite novel while sitting and pretending to review the FS documents, filling out Quizilla quizzes( What kind of Swordsman am I? A SAMURAI!!!! Cool, huh?) pretending to take part in that Incompetent Clumsy ... er, Internal Customer Survey, grooving to Oasis (wink) and Ozzy Osborne .. hmm, I guess something happened that day on the fifth floor, I've really started to have a liking for Ozzy nowadays...

Bounce!

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 10:59:37 GMT

Me: "Hey people, I'm baaaack!!!! "
(Oh No!)
Me: "Whaaat? What do you mean? "
(You heard us right! "Oh No!" What else could we mean?)
Me:" Bah! Like Bon Jovi once said ... "
Bon Jovi: "I've been knocked down so many times,
Count it out, 6,7,8,9 ...
...blah blah ...
Call it Karma, Call it Luck,
Me I just don't Give a F***!
Bounce! Bounce!
Nothing's gonna get me down,
Bounce! Bounce!...
Count it out, count me in,
I'm coming back again ...."
(Yeah? Ever heard of Gravity?)
Me: "They're okay, haven't heard much of their songs..."
(Grrr... Spoilsport!!! We meant the Other Gravity.)
Me: "Yeah! I have. Why do you ask?"
(Because it's calling and we're coming to get you!!! ...........)
GRAB!!! .... SHOVE!!!
Me: AAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....!!
Thud!
.
.
.
BOUNCE!!!!
.
.
.
(Mwahahahaha!!! Got rid of him already!!! ... Wait! What's that sound?)
Me: ".....aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA!!"
(Ergh! @#$%^& Drat! He's Back!!!)
Me: "Told ya!!!"

Hmm ... Not Funny!!!

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 13:06:56 GMT

Funny how people feel serious about so many things ... but they never give any serious thought to how they are doing, to where they are going. How many times have you seriously sat down and planned stuff like where you are going?

Have I? Yes. What have I planned?

Future Quest

Often I sit and wonder
Where will we all go?
from the peaks of today
to the depths of tomorrow

I dream of things past
I dream and wonder
if they can be again,
if today is not a blunder

I find myself thinking
deeply of life today
are we living happy?
Is this the right way?

look at yourselves
look at your lives
lost to fighting, torn
as by a million knives

must we live as we are
can we not go back?
must life be complicated
must we live fast track?

think about nature
of trees grass and rain
think of a community
peace and quiet again

think about simplicity
of options so better
the call of nature has me
I tire of this glitter

I yearn for the dream
the dream of being free,
a family to come home, to
lands as far as i can see.

Guha S Kashyap

(C) 2004, Guha S Kashyap
Released under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs License.
A copy of the License is available at http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/.

The guy from 'Fin' land

Fri, 06 Aug 2004 13:02:21 GMT

Heh .. I don't quite know how to begin ... I was having lunch with one of my pals who is in the Finance department of my company and he was ribbing me quite a bit. Raghav, If you're reading this, read: "Mwahahahaha!!!!" ... I told you I'd get back to all you finance types!!! Here Goes!!!

<Movie Sequence>

Outside of the May-trix, a mysterious thing is happening ...
... A finance department has been set up, just like in the May-trix...

Me: "La dee da ... time for a stroll in the maytrix!"
Finance-oid: "Hmmm .. I think I'll come with you ..."
Me: "Okie!"

... Soon, In the May-trix...

Me: "Hey look at that sunrise! So priceless!"
Finance-oid: "Hm .... wish I had access to a calculator instead."
Me: "Huh? What for?"
Finance-oid: "I miss my pre-liberated life!!!"
Me: "Oh? What were you?"
Finance-oid: "I was a Finance Manager for a software company. Oh! What a life ... Wish I'd taken the Blue Pill!!!"
Me (To Myself): "Sad case, man!"
Finance-oid: "Look out!! Agents!!! Lets SCRAM!!!!"
Me: "Right! Let's split and meet back when we're awake..."

... We vamoose, and I wake up ...

Me: "Funny, Tank, he was supposed to be out by now"
(Point to a sleeping finance-oid grinning and licking his lips in his sleep)
Tank: "Yeah, I can't trace him too... It's almost like he's not in May-trix!"
Me: " I wonder where he is now ..."

... Somewhere, NOT in the May-trix , Somewhere that looks like The "Cascade" Restaurant ....

Finance-oid: "Thanks for scaring that crazy guy away!"
Agent: "Right, You're welcome ... Now lets get down to business."
Finance-oid: " Funny you know, I know this food doesn't exist, it doesn't matter, but when I think of the bill...."
Agent: "Enough with the funny crap, Here's the deal : In exchange for where the Oracle lives..."
Finance-oid: "...I get to Live again, a job as a VP Finance of a Global Financial Consultancy, and get to work with a copy of MS Excel, Access, the works ..... "

... Fade to darkness ....

<End Movie Sequence>

Phew...

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 13:30:04 GMT

Managed a break from work ... and not working as well. Hmmm ... let's see what I did in the last few days:

1. Sat staring , confused, at the much-hyped process documents that were supposedly telling me what to do.
2. Pestering my coworkers to come over and teach me how the system works. This is because the CMM5 process in my company is so good, they thought I'd learn the minute they chucked the darn documents at me....
3. Playing "Lets-Copy-Paste" with Micro$oft Word becaaaause .. hey! i have to test and document the stuff BEFORE I write it ... great!!!
4. Waiting for the documents I sent over to my peers for review to come back so I can actually do some more work ... hey people, this is how I managed to find tme to download:
a. Mono 1.0 (yes, all of it, and the 18 MB GTK#-included version.
b. AbiWord
c. FeedReader
d. IRFANVIEW :)
e. Firefox
and a lot of apps for my desktop.

Phew!!! Did I mention that I also got to work? Man the deadlines here are horrible!!! Here I am a guy trained in Software X, Put in a Project based on Software Y doing Software Z development in strict-deadline conditions and I'm supposed to learn on the job!!! Get a load of this ... pathetic. When (or If) I change jobs, I'm NOT going into another CMM5 company... aaargh!!!

Let me demonstrate my current position......

<MOVIE SEQUENCE>
A room with a wall full of consoles displaying what seems to be static. On closer inspection, they are all running the Matrix screensaver ....

Technicoid: "***, You are getting ready to Enter the May-Trix!"
Me: "Uh-huh!!! Okay! Lets Go!!!..."
(I reach for the cable to plug into the system.)
Other Technicoid:"Hey!!! Trinity's in trouble .... she's ... falling off a building and an agent is shooting at her!!!"
Me: "Uh-oh!! Time for a quick rescue!!!"
Technicoid: "Not until you've finished your TEST CASES!!!"
Me: "Wha?"
Technicoid: "M-Hm! Thats right! Fill in THIS .. . .. And then do the DOCUMENTATION ... And then the REQUESTS .... And then the ...!"

....Zoom out to show piles on tottering piles of blank forms which collapse on me ....

Me: "Noooo!!! AAAggh!!!!"
THUD!!!

....In the May-trix ....

Trinity: "Aieeeeeeeee!!!!.............."
ZAP!!! ... she's pulled out of the May-trix ....
Trinity: ""Phew! That was close! What's that ambulance doing in here anyway?"
<END MOVIE SEQUENCE>

Project Blues

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 12:27:07 GMT

After a nice filling lunch (Soup followed by Lasagna) at New Yorker's I returned to my office and my old cubicle (yeah!) to await that ever elusive thing, the allocation phone call fom my project manager that will help me exit this unreal reality that is the May-trix.

I know I should have suspected a trap when I acheived that impossible goal of goals - calling up the PM and actually getting to speak to him. Little did I know what was in store ...

<Cut Scene>

Me (casual, relaxed): "Hello Can I speak to S****?".
Voice-on-the-line (Bet there's no real guy!) : "Yeah hold on ....".
New-voice : "Hello? This is S****."

...I break into a sweat....

Me (To myself) : "This can't be the guy ... He actually isn't supposed to exist!!!".
Me: "Yeah , like, about the induction ..." (blah blah)
He: "Okay, Hold on... I'll call you back."
Me (To myself) : "Ahhh .. It's just another Program!!!".

Soon the phone rings.

Me: "Operator? Get me outta..."
Voice: "Missster ****. Is that you?"
Me: "Cough Cough ... Excuse me? ".
Me: (To myself) "Tank! Get me out of HERE!!!!!"
Voice: "Missster ****, this is S****. Come down here, and we'll have the induction. Let's get with the Program....".
Me: (to Myself) "Aagh! Noooooooooooooooo!!!!"

...Fade to blackness ...

<End Cut Scene>

Bring it on!!!

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 04:38:58 GMT

Hey , Yesterday the dudes I was trained with were informed that they were to have YET ANOTHER training session ... this time Oracle Applications (read ERP)... phew! lucky them ... I think I'll ask for it too ... heh heh .. here we go!!!

<Movie Sequence>
Wind howling wildly in the background, we are on the fifth floor of the Office. Me with my eyes shut and headphones on, plugged into a Home Theater System. My eyes are closed but fluttering wildly....

</span>Trainer-oid : "Hey matey send for the AS400 tapes!!! He's done with this stuff!!!"

(Points to looming mountain of tapes, CDs and material behind him.)

Trainer-mate : "Oh no!! Not Already!!! We're done with most of the regular stuff!!! Besides he finished AS400 twice already!!!"
Trainer-oid : "Aggg!!!! What've we got left then?"
Trainer-mate : "Just this tape of Ozzy Osborne!!!"

(Suddenly my eyes open ....)
Me: "Lemme at it!!!!!"

....A while later ...

Me: (Awake and shaking visibly) "I know Ju-Jitsu!!!"

<End Movie Sequence>

Ahh .. better now

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 06:53:37 GMT

Hey all,

sorry for the emotional (senti(mental)) stuff ... emotional 'voltage' fluctuation!!! :) heh .. now I'm baaaacck!!!!

<mandatory cut scene>

Hmmm .. what do I put here? ahh .. I know .. I know what you did last night at the theatre ;) ....

In the darkness of the cinema ....

Me: "Yeah! go spidey!!! Hmmm ..."
Female-oid next to me: "Mmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!"
Me: "Wha?" (peeks .. basically squints into the darkness)

... A few intense moments later ...

Me: (To myself) "Hey that looks more like TWO people than ONE female .. wonder what they're ...."
(Sudden flash of genius)
Me: "Oh! No!!! ... wait! Oh! Yeah!!! Oh Yeah!!!"

Femaile-oid: "Mmmmm .... Honey ... why is it so bright in here?"
Me: "This is the Culture Police!!! You are surrounded!!! Come apart with your clothes on!!!"
(Turn backlight on and point it at them)
Me: "Hai Yaah!!!"
Female-oid: "Eeeeeeeekkk!!!!"

<End Cut Scene>

Heh ... if you're wondering why I did what I did (in the cut scene, not really) its coz the REAL couple and yours truly were seated somewhere in the middle of the theater ... I dont have anything against couples groping each other and all, just, do it in the back rows, please, we're trying to watch a movie here!!!

(Yes I have been to movies where the ppl in front of me really were playing around, and NO, I didn't do the Culture Police bit!!! :) )

Spiderman

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 05:50:04 GMT

Yesterday I was invited by some friends to go with them to see the new Spiderman 2 movie ... It was good, very good. In a way it was an eye opener for me...

All this while I have been torn between choices. In the movie I saw someone I could identify with, someone who was torn, like me, in between being who he wanted to be and being what his abilities and (maybe) his skills take him towards. I could feel the pain he feels when he tells the female lead that "We cannot be". I felt the pain, I tasted the blood in my mouth because that is what I told someone else some time ago ... Today I feel that maybe I have made a mistake. I should never have let her go. I know that the life I have planned for me in my head will never allow me the time for a relationship and an early marriage (I'm only 22!) ... but I feel that maybe I should give her a second chance ... try and find a balance or something.

To all those interested I will try to summarize my tragedy in the following words:

Uhhh guys ... sorry to edit this post, but ... someone i know had a look at it, and told me I was an insensitive jerk ... :). (For hurting her by putting the matter up here...)

Not so! See ... I'm taking it off!!! Sorry, won't happen again!!! Oh, and yeah, we patched up. :)

But hey, life goes on ...

Hmmmm ....

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 10:29:24 GMT

Hey ... Did anyone ever notice ... How come good looking females are always terrible bosses or superiors?

I had a run in with one such female yesterday .... I was just going back to my ole' cubcile (sniff) .. and I saw her coming the other way ....

<cut scene>
Me: "Hi A****! Wha.... "
She: "Wont you at least let me have my lunch?"

Note: That's in a capering, severe voice ...

Me: (To myself) "@#$! ... DRAT!!!"
<end cut scene>

Note, dudes and dudettes, that's AFTER lunch ... funny, heh?

Quizzes .. just love 'em!!!

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 10:23:16 GMT

Hey all,
I was sitting free ... so I said, "What the hey .. Whats Quizilla For anyway?"

So I tried the famous Quizilla Matrix Persona Quiz ... (Do I sense an obsession here? Or is it just an Agent trying to mess up my head?)

Sooooooooo ... heres some stuff about THE MAN!!! (That's 'yours truly' here!!! heh heh )

You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and
compassion.

What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

A-Ha!!!

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 09:32:18 GMT

Finally ... I have been assigned to a Project!!! Ah, my days of suffering and solitude are at an end ... maybe. Now, I wait for a phone from the Project Manager who will tell me where I will go...

Adieu, my faithful cubicle, my friend of but a little while (sob) .... I go to newer pastures <backspace> <backspace> <backspace> newer locations ..... and work on applications you will never know ... Ah! The pain (That I deleted my OpenOffice Setup files.)!!!!

Anyway, now that all that stuff is out of the way, let's get to business. :) .

<MOVIE SEQUENCE>
Project Manager: " Go to THAT Building. The ONE you seek is on the fourth floor ... you are Entering dangerous territory, so be prepared!!!"

The Background is pure Whiteness ... Suddenly Racks and Racks of CDs and DVDs zoom in and I am surrounded .... I start picking up the stuff and putting it in a Carton ....

...Later, Much Later ...

Security-Guard-oid : "Sir do you have any stuff to declare, like any CDs and Stuff?"
Me : "Eat This!!!" (Throw open the Carton of CDs) "Hai-Yaah!!!!"

(Scene Fades out ...)

<END MOVIE SEQUENCE>

Blue Pills, you say? Hah!!!

Phew!!!

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 12:33:03 GMT

I thought I'd never be able to do it.... First I went to my yahoo profile, and "flicked" my pic. then I tried resizing it using the PhotoEd in M$-Office (ergh) ... and then used the Drawing app in OpenOffice (eww ... mommy!!!) then downloaded the GIMP.... (aagh, doesnt work, I'm logged in as Guest!!!)

<MOVIE SEQUENCE>

I hear footsteps at the entrance to the floor ... I take a peek .. Oh no! It's the Admin-droid from Infra!!! Quick! my cell phone!!!
Admin-Droid: "Is there a dude named **** here ?"
Dumbass Coworker: "Suuure! Over there!!!"
Admin-Droid " ....Grumble Mumble Download Quotas ...."
Me: "Uh - Oh!!! Time to get outta here!!!"

... A few minutes later , on the ledge of the building ....

"Hello? Morpheus? ...."
<END MOVIE SEQUENCE>

Time for that mega tool, Irfanview !!! Mwahahhahahahaaa!!! ( Insert continued maniacal laughter and lightning flashes here) ... At last!!!! ( I can upload my pic to LiveJournal!!!!)

I'm glad I chose that RED pill!!!

My First Post!!!

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 11:47:50 GMT

La dee da! Today I have risen to new heights ... of creativity. You see I am engaged in what I try to pass off as "System Testing of IE and FireFox" at the workplace. heh.

Bottom line, you ask? It means I'm FREE (nay, IDLE would have been a better description, but I don't say stuff like that about me. :) ). My trials and tribulations of the last few weeks will now have an outlet ... ah! the horror of being hired , trained and made to sit at a desk for three WEEKS without being assigned to a project!

But what the hey, I'm getting paid, I for one have NO objections!!! :)

Yay!!!!